Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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