Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
