these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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