Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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