Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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