tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
