i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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