the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
