today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
