It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
