I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
