I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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