Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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