Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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