What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize