its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The feeling are messing with the penis
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
