Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
