and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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