is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
