didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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