you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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