Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
