Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
