You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
