Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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