im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
