super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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