last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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