That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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