Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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