I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
