Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
In America we eat man semen.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
