grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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