I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
