My hair reeks of homosexuality.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
