just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
