Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We named our party play list daddy issues
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
