just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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