Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
