you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I touched a dick in church today
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
