Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
