So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
did i just pee glitter
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
