I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
