Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
