Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize