I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
