he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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