My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
