you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
