It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
