I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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