Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
