Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
be right there i have to get my cape
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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