My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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