Dual....:-)
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
