he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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