hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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