ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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