to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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