I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize