I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
