there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
