Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
