ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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