Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
