You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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