Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
