Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
