Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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