im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
