When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
