I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
