Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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