he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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