I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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